Why pronouns matter

Pronouns are the words we use to refer to ourselves or other people. ‘I’, ‘me’, ‘you’, ‘she’, ‘he’, and ‘they’ are all pronouns.

When we use pronouns to refer to other people, they are usually gendered – she, her, he, him. We often make assumptions about the gender of another person, based on their name or their appearance, which can be harmful for trans, non-binary and gender diverse people. Some trans and gender diverse people avoid services such as healthcare altogether in fear that interactions with service providers will be disrespectful.

Making an effort to get pronouns right is about respect and inclusion. When someone tells you their pronouns, they are letting you know how they would like you to refer to them, without you having to make any assumptions.

Using someone’s correct pronouns is an important way to be inclusive and respectful of our LGBTIQ+ community.

Why using the right pronouns is important

The pronouns people use depend on their gender identity. Respecting people’s pronouns is a critical part of creating spaces which are safe and welcoming for people of all genders.

Gender identity can be an ‘invisible’ attribute – something that is hard to ascertain from physical appearance or other visible signs.

Using incorrect pronouns can be harmful or can send a signal to trans and gender diverse people that they are not welcome.

Which pronouns do I use?

She/her are pronouns usually used by people who identify as female while he/him are pronouns used by people who identify as male.

They/them/theirs are common gender neutral pronouns used by gender diverse and non-binary people. They might also be used by people who would rather navigate the world without gendered expectations. Research from the United States indicates that over a quarter of young LGBTIQ+ people identify as non-binary.

The best way of knowing which pronouns people use is often to ask.

‘They’ as a singular pronoun

The use of ‘they’ as a singular pronoun (that is, to refer to one other person) is recognised as grammatically correct and acceptable by a wide range of bodies including state and federal governments, major media platforms, and dictionaries including the Oxford and Merriam-Webster. While some people argue that it is a recent development, ‘they’ has been in use since the 1300s – and many of us use it without realising, for example:

“Someone from the bank called for you earlier.”

“Oh, what did they say?”

Supporting the use of pronouns

An easy way to normalise the use of pronouns is to include yours in your email signature block. This can be important regardless of how you personally identify.

When cisgender people include their pronouns in email signatures, it signifies that anyone stating their own pronouns will have them respected. Including pronouns in signature blocks can help current and future employees to easily and safely communicate their pronouns in their workplace, and send a signal to any external stakeholders that they can expect a respectful and inclusive conversation regardless of gender.

As well as a practical way to avoid unintentional misgendering, at a deeper level, encouraging the use of pronouns in email signatures encourages a safe and inclusive culture where everyone can bring their whole selves to work. This is important when the majority of LGBTIQ+ people are not completely ‘out’ at work, and hiding one’s identity can cause immense stress.

What else do I need to know about pronouns?

If you make a mistake and use the wrong pronoun for someone, it’s good to apologise or acknowledge your mistake to them and make an effort to get it right next time. Mistakes happen, but if someone is consistently referred to by the wrong gender, this is known as ‘misgendering’ and can be a form of discrimination or harassment.

Sometimes people might be in the process of asserting their pronouns, so be aware that they may not use the same pronouns with everyone. It’s important to check in and make sure you don’t ‘out’ them to anyone they’re not ready to be out to.

Don’t use the term ‘preferred pronouns’. This implies that gender identity is simply a preference and not a core part of someone’s self. It would be better to ask ‘what are your pronouns?’ or ‘what pronouns do you use?’.